This story is written by Les Lea
The hot weather continued and once again we found our favourite lunchtime spot up on the playing field and away from any eavesdroppers. As usual Kenny looked fantastic; his school uniform looking pristine and even his cumbersome shorts didn’t detract from what a handsome boy my best friend was. However, on this occasion his usual glowing smile was replaced by an anxious look. He was being very secretive, which was unlike him, normally he was open about everything. Because he was being a bit guarded, I began to worry that something really traumatic might have happened; was his family about to up and move to another part of the country, did he have some dreaded disease, had he tried some drugs (my mum had recently warned me of such dangers at school) I just couldn’t accept the thought of something happening to my best friend.
Nevertheless, as it was particularly evident as we walked up to the field I wanted to know… why such a thick diaper.
“Mummy didn’t have any disposables left.”
I think he assumed that was enough of a reason but seeing my blank face he continued.
“Once I was all cleaned up they couldn’t find any disposables… daddy eventually found some of my old cloth diapers from when I was a bit younger.”
He pulled open his shorts to let me see the thick towelling under the heavy yellowy, translucent material he had to wear. It was just see-through enough to make out that the sides of the diaper were held together by big safety pins, with blue ends, but it all looked a hefty thing to have to wear.
“I could hardly get my shorts on this morning but the idea of just wearing…” and he pointed to his thick protective covering by way of explanation.
I shook my head and unconsciously stretched out my hand to touch the thick material.
“They’re rubber…” he paused.
“Mummy thought I might need much more protection so…” he confided, “this is a double diaper.”
He went on, “She wanted to keep me home but I said I’d be all right.”
“No wonder your shorts look so tight.” I ventured, “There’s no hiding what you’re wearing.”
I continued stroking the rubber pants. “These feel different to your plastic ones… do they feel… different to wear?”
“Mummy brought them from the hospital ages ago… but I have sometimes had to wear them in the past… they’re ‘medical’.”
Well that made sense, with his mother being a nurse and all. I suppose one of the perks of the job is being able to get hold of such things if they’re needed.
I lay the palm of my hand against the front area, well as much as my hand could cover and said: “It all feels very tight.”
“It is… but I needed them tight to get my shorts on. It doesn’t worry me… I’m used to it… even if it does show.”
Handling his thick diaper had brought me back in touch with my best friend. It was the thing I thought bound us together and I was grateful to have him… and it… back. In fact, once again there was a brief feeling of jealousy that he could be so brave and not care what people thought and I’d been worried about what a bully on the school bus had said… and I wasn’t even wearing one. Once again I felt like I’d let him down in some way.
***
There were a few moments of silence between us and I suddenly realised that he was peeing in to his thick diaper.
I asked, “Are you OK?”
Even though I’d already guessed what he was doing. He said nothing but looked at me with his huge eyes, which basically told me what I already knew.
“Do you need to go to the school nurse to get changed?”
I was concerned but after a couple of moments he just said, “It’s OK… I quite like the warm feeling…”
I didn’t quite understand. Not having wet myself either accidently or on purpose I had no real idea of what he was experiencing… but he continued as he slowly fondled the front of his rubber pants.
“The double diaper and thick rubber will keep everything from leaking until home time.”
I was worried that my wet friend would be uncomfortable. “Don’t you like the nurse?”
“She’s OK but…” he thought about it, “she usually changes younger boys.”
This was the first time I realised he was actually embarrassed about something to do with his diaper. He’d be the oldest boy that the nurse had to attend to and he was uncomfortable about that. His bright eyes peered up at me again and I just nodded in agreement… he looked relieved he didn’t have to explain.
However I added, “Wouldn’t she have some disposables for you to wear instead of this…” and I massaged the rubber.
Despite my concern I was getting to like the new material. It felt completely different to the plastic pants I had recently become used to wearing at home and I wondered if I could get a pair for myself.
Kenny was silent for a while then he said how much he liked the cloth diapers more than the disposables.
“They’re much more comfy.” He pulled up the front of his school shorts and tried to squeeze himself back in. “Mummy and daddy… erm… say how cute I look when I have to wear them and I… erm… think they feel nicer too.”
I had no idea if they did or didn’t so I would have to take my best friends word for it but they looked so bulky I was sure they must make it more difficult to walk… but I didn’t say anything.
***
“I was dreaming about you.”
There had been a long silence before Kenny came up with this statement and I wasn’t sure to what he was referring.
“Last night, when I had my… accident…”
I realised he was now about to tell me his secret but before I could say anything he carried on.
“We were… erm… in my bedroom… erm… except it wasn’t my bedroom… it was in my old nursery.”
I looked at him in surprise because I know I dream but I can never remember what I’ve been dreaming about when I wake up. I didn’t comment I just let him carry on… I was quite pleased he’d been dreaming of me.
“We were in two cribs. You were in one and I was in another but we wanted to play together but neither of us could get out of the cribs, the sides were too high, we were only babies and you were crying.”
I was intrigued to say the least but being a baby… well!!! but I stayed silent. He looked straight into my eyes and there was something intense that I’d never seen before.
“I wanted to play too but… I didn’t like to see you cry”
For a brief second his face broke into that lovely, genuine smile of his, “You looked so cute in your pale green onesie… it had a duck on the front… your diaper was really thick so you may have been wet as well.”
My mind was filled with the image he described; me as a baby, in a crib, wearing a onesie and upset… and wet… I wasn’t sure what to say as he resumed his story.
“No one was coming to help and it felt like you’d been crying for some attention for ages so we could play. Then I remembered thinking… and this seems strange but… we were the age we are now but… just babies and couldn’t do anything for ourselves… and I thought… mummy and daddy come if my diaper is wet so, in my dream I purposely tried to wet myself.”
He paused to let all that sink in and my mind was swamped with the image he’d placed in my head.
“That’s when I woke up to find mummy and daddy rushing into my room wondering why I was crying out so loudly. It was the first night I’d not worn any protection to sleep and I’d made a mess… a real mess…”
I looked at him shaking my head. Such different feelings were running through my mind and I wasn’t sure whether I was horrified at what he’d described or trying to be an understanding friend. I didn’t realise that my hand was resting on his bottom and stroking him and again I didn’t know if it was Kenny I was touching or the fact that I liked the feeling of the padding. He seemed to appreciate the contact and wriggled a bit as he continued.
“My PJs, my bedding, ME… it was everywhere.”
I let out a sort of “Jeeez…” as if that carried my opinion that he’d been through a lot… but there was more.
***
I really felt sorry for Kenny, the one night he didn’t have his diaper to protect him and that happened… however, lowering his voice to an absolute whisper he told me more.
“As mummy was trying to calm me down… apparently I’d become a bit hysterical … and she continued cleaning me up… all I could think of was that I’d left you crying.” He looked at me with the most concerned expression on his face. “I wasn’t thinking straight and thought, if I could get back to you, everything would be alright.”
This was making very little sense but, I suppose a dream, or in this case a nightmare, very rarely adds up when looked at in the daylight. However, I was wrapped up in what he had to say and didn’t want to stop his explanation as it was obviously something he needed to speak about.
“Mummy hugged me close for ages as daddy changed my bed and found the old diapers… she quickly had me back in my protection and to soothe me I was sucking on her thumb as I did when I was little.”
I didn’t mention the fact that he’d done it to me as well because I realised what he was trying to tell me was very important to him.
“I must have fallen asleep but I didn’t get back to you because I woke up in the morning in my bed and in a soaked diaper… but I remembered… you.” He looked shyly away. “Normally I don’t remember dreams once I wake up but… this time… I did because you were in my dream.”
I smiled and gently stroked his arm trying to be concerned, understanding and a friend… his best friend. Although our lunch-break was disappearing fast I somehow knew that there was something else… a revelation that was yet to be spoken of.
“I suddenly remembered all my dreams.”
His voice was so low I nearly missed what he was saying.
“I’m not sure why but… erm… whenever, in the past, I’ve had my ‘accidents’…” It was as if he’d put the word in quotes, “I think I’ve been dreaming I’m a baby again.”
There was a stunned silence from me but I continued to encourage him to speak by unwittingly stroking his bare leg.
“I can’t explain it but I like it when mummy and daddy ‘baby’ me.”
The expression on his face was as if he was trying to cope with this realisation.
“I like the care, the kisses, the cuddles, the fun, the diapers… everything that goes with it. I just like being their little baby boy…”
***
I didn’t know what to say. I was still casually caressing his thigh whilst I listened to him but I had no idea how to respond. He looked down at my hand as it continued stoking his slim leg and smiled.
“Thanks for understanding.”
I’m not sure I did but I asked the question. “What do your parents think?”
He gazed shyly back at me with those radiant eyes, all bright and trusting.
“You’re the first person I’ve told.”
I stared back surprised. I always assumed that he could and would tell his ‘mummy and daddy’ everything and it would be accepted without a moment’s hesitation but this… this huge thing in Kenny’s life… he trusted to me first. Even as a ten year-old I knew that this bond between us was stronger than I had thought and that I was his confidante… so what fantastic response did I come up with?
“Oooh… erm… wow.”
Once again I wondered if I’d let him down in some way but I got my thoughts together and asked
“What were you wearing?”
He looked startled at my question as if he didn’t know what I was talking about but I continued.
“In your dream… I was in a green onesie… what were you wearing.”
He beamed. I think once he realised I wasn’t going to run away after his ‘baby’ revelation we were back to being best friends.
“My pink onesie… it’s my favourite.”
“You have a onesie?”
“Yes. I have three; a pink short one that fastens between my legs, a green footed one with dinosaurs all over it… and a pale blue fleecy one for when it gets cold.”
He seemed pretty pleased with them and told me he’d received them as gifts from family at Christmas and his birthday.
The time had just flown by and we could see that everyone was moving off the playing field and returning to school. As we resumed class I could tell that there were lots of thoughts swimming around in his head. His diaper was even more noticeable now it was wet but it didn’t seem to have any effect on Kenny as we settled back into the afternoon’s lessons.
***
That night I was in my bedroom and thinking about Kenny’s admission; he wet… and worse… because he wanted to be a baby again? Most kids our age couldn’t wait to grow up and we wanted out of diapers and childish things as soon as possible. Even Jake had been worried the time when Kenny stayed over. He’d run away when he thought we were going to diaper him and locked himself in his room. I knew Kenny was special on so many levels because he was so unlike anyone else. Great at sport, friendly with everyone, good in class… I think all the teachers liked him and he was my best friend. I didn’t quite understand why he wanted to be a baby again but, alone in my room, I thought I’d try and see if I could find out.
I went to my draw and pulled out the little plastic bag that contained the diaper that Kenny had wet when he stayed over. It had dried now and was a bit stiff in parts but I managed to unfurl it and, surprisingly, the tapes had stayed sticky so I was able to pull it on and fasten it around my waist. It didn’t feel particularly nice, although it also didn’t smell of pee, well it did but not so that it overpowered everything else. There was a smell of baby powder that hung around as I had manoeuvred it into position. I pulled the plastic pants over it and, for what I was about to do next, checked that the plastic was tight around my legs and sealed me into the diaper.
***
I turned off my bedside light and tried to concentrate on making myself pee. It was harder than I thought it would be and it was several minutes, and quite a bit of bladder straining, to even get the feeling that I might be able to succeed at it. Eventually I managed a tiny, quick spurt but that didn’t appear to make any difference, so I tried again, straining as hard as I could. This was a huge mistake as not only did the pee flow like a torrent… I’d managed to make myself poo as well.
I stood in the middle of my room not knowing what to do. Warm pee flooded my diaper but I was now really worried about what was filling the seat. Once I started there seemed to be no stopping the chain of events as the smell and a really soggy diaper was held captive by my plastic pants. I was frozen to the spot and on the verge of tears because of my stupidity. I wanted to call mum to come and help but realised I would have some embarrassing questions to answer. I knew she was down stairs working and I thought that if I could make it to the bathroom, I’d somehow be able to sort the problem out.
***
My full diaper made it impossible to run to the bathroom so I sort of waddled, desperately hoping not to alert mum or Jake to my situation. I turned on the light and stood looking at myself in the mirror. The diaper had expanded and the plastic pants appeared to have billowed out a bit but I was eager to get out of them as soon as I could. I gingerly lowered the pants and the diaper sagged around my bottom. I knew I had no option so I pulled at the tapes and the entire soggy, smelly, poopy mass slopped onto the floor. The smell was awful but that was the least of my worries as I wondered how to get rid of the mess I had made.
I looked in the mirror and saw the nasty streaks around my bottom so I turned on the shower and climbed in to clean myself up before I started on anything else. It never occurred to me that the shower being turned on would alert mum to the fact that there was something going on upstairs. It came as a bit of a shock when I looked around to see mum standing in the doorway. I’d been caught red-handed and I feared the worst so I did the only thing I could think of doing, I started to cry.
***
Mum took in the sight of the plastic pants, the messy diaper and her eldest son desperately cleaning himself up and put all the parts together. Tearfully, I climbed out of the shower expecting to be spanked (although mum had never done such a thing to either of us in the past) but she just grabbed a towel, opened it up and invited me in to its soft warm embrace to be dried by her.
She never said a word as I was being rubbed in the comfort of the bath towel. She never said a word as she guided me to my room and got a clean pair of shorts and a t-shirt out for me. She put me to bed with a kiss and went off to tidy up the disaster on the bathroom floor. I lay awake hearing her set about the job I’d left for her and I felt the guilt creep over me. Eventually, the nasty task was over and I heard her turn the light off. She came and sat on my bed and put her hand on my head and stroked my hair.
“You’re a good friend to Kenny.”
She must have known that the diaper and pants were his… I would have pretended to be asleep but thought I’d better let mum say whatever it was she was thinking. I nodded.
“I’m sure his little problem has made you wonder…”
She changed tack.
“You have a natural empathy…”
I didn’t know what that was but mum’s voice didn’t sound angry so I supposed it was something OK.
“You wanted to experience what your friend experienced… you wanted to be a good friend to Kenny… his best friend.”
The hair stroking continued and I found her gentle caress and her words very soothing, so I closed my eyes and just listened to mum’s words.
“You’re a sweet, understanding boy Simon… and every boy should have a friend like you…”
She seemed to be lost in her own thoughts for a moment.
“With your father gone I worried about you and Jake. Worried I couldn’t bring you up or that you’d miss the influence of your dad and that I’d fail you…”
It had begun to feel like she was talking to herself rather than me but, as she continued to stroke my brow I slipped into a deep and peaceful sleep.
This story is written by Les Lea
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